A Series of Tragic Events
by APoeticTragedy3721
Summary: The Akatsuki members are faced with their most difficult mission yet: babysitting children! Will these S-ranked criminals have what it takes? Or will their downfall be eminent? (Attempts of humor within!)
1. Chapter 1

((Well, this is going to be an attempt of an Akatsuki fanfic, although I'm not so sure how this is going to work out. I do not own Naruto or any of the characters! This is kind of just an experimental thing that's probably going to be rather short and whatnot. I'd be appreciative if ya'll reviewed or something. I'd like to know if this is actually something ya'll would be interested in, and if not, I'll probably just end up deleting it. Once again, this is experimental and will proally be bluh but I guess it's worth a shot :0 Happy reading, you were warned! P.S I suck at humor so :x))

Chapter 1: A Mission

"Well, it appears that for the next week, we'll be required to perform one of our most difficult missions yet," Konan informed the group sitting around on the couches. Pein had retired to his office and left her in charge of the rowdy band of "criminals", all of whom sat around her with sullen expressions as they awaited the description of their mission. Little did they know, the next week would be absolute hell. She almost pitied them. Well, _almost._

"Bring it on, yeah!" piped a blond haired man—whose appearance was far too feminine for his own good. He sat forward, forearms crossed on his knees, a smirk tugging the corner of his mouth up into a lopsided grin.

"I bet it'll be nothing," a towering man chimed in, elbowing his black haired partner beside him. The man beside him simply stared on with an expressionless face as the blue pigmented speaker grinned, his serrated teeth making their appearance.

"Don't get so full of yourself," Konan retorted in a cool tone. Being the only woman at base often required her crack down on the others' egos—some of which were the size of an entire village. "This mission is different than what we're accustomed to deal with."

"Then what is it?" Questioned a rather plant-like being, the darker side of his humanoid face eyeing Konan suspiciously while the lighter side simply frowned in concern.

"My sister's going out of town for a week and she's requested that I watch her children while she was gone," Konan explained.

"You didn't agree, did you?" Itachi questioned in a tone that expressed his annoyance rather than curiosity.

"Kids? Do you know how much they cost?" Shouted Kakuzu, who had been previously quiet throughout the whole meeting, counting stacks of money he recently collected from bounty hunting. His sage-tinted eyes narrowed considerably at the woman in front of him. "This better be coming out of your personal finances!"

"Well there's no other choice, really," Konan replied coolly, ignoring the greedy man who was currently staring daggers into her soul. "Beside, Pein already said it was fine."

"What does this have to do with us?" Kisame asked, his once saw-like grin pressing into a firm line.

"Pein stated that everyone would be required to help with the children."

"What do we look like? A fucking babysitting service?" A white haired man trumpeted from his perch on one of the side couches. Despite his foul-mouthed outburst, no one bothered to turn their head in shock or reprimand him. They were all used to it.

"We have enough 'children' to worry about with Tobi around," Itachi muttered, rubbing his temples in frustration. The thought of having more miniature Tobi's running around the base made him feel ill.

"Tobi's good with kids!" The orange masked member piped up, popping out from behind one of the couches to perch himself on the arm.

"Get off, un!" Deidara growled, pushing his partner off of the arm of the chair. Tobi only let out a whine, flailing his arms in front of the blond man's face. With that, the two began a cat-fight, arms lashing, legs flailing, and the occasional cry or string of curse words flying from either's mouths. The other members simply shook their heads at the commotion.

"And you want to add to _that_?" Kisame chuckled.

"Perhaps this was a bad idea on your part," Black Zetsu muttered, letting out an agitated huff. White Zetsu appeared to solemnly agree.

Then, the sound of a shrill rasp at the front door silenced the fighting and objections. "Well, that's them," Konan announced, prying herself away from the group of rowdy soon-to-be babysitters. All eyes were on her as she made her way over to the door.

She opened it, exchanged a few words too silent for the group to pick up on, leaned outside of the doorway briefly—to presumably give her sister a hug—before stepping back into view. She then bent down, muttered something to what the Akatsuki assumed were the children. Then, standing erect, she gave a few more words to their mother, before stepping to the side to let the children in.

Curiosity quickly filled the air as Konan obstructed the view of the children. Exactly how many children were there? Just one? Or more? Were they toddlers or more grown up children?

Then, Konan began walking toward the group, tiny shoes scuffling behind her. A few of the more curious members leaned their bodies or craned their necks to try to take a peek behind their female comrade. It wasn't long until she was back in her previous position in the center of the den.

"Everyone, meet Kyo and Kora," she announced, urging the two children out from their respectable hiding place behind her.

One was a young boy, no taller than three feet, with auburn hair framing his narrowed hazel eyes. He stood before everyone quizzically, occasionally shooting some of the members suspicious glances. By his side stood his sister—presumably his twin—for she was but a shorter, female likeness of himself. However, instead of sporting short, straight hair, her tresses fell in loose ringlets around her shoulders. She stood wide-eyed and innocent as she soaked up her surroundings.

"Well, we're all fucked," Hidan announced bluntly, oblivious to his foul mouth. The rest of the Akatsuki stared on, perplexed by the mission at hand. They all nodded; and for once, all agreed on one thing: they were indeed fucked.


	2. Chapter 2: Day 1

((Hi, guys! Wow, I really wasn't expecting any positive comments, if any at all! I'm glad you seemed to enjoy it! Reviews are always welcome, I love to hear from ya'll))

Chapter 2:

Day One, A Rude Awakening

Konan mostly took control of the whole child-watching business once the twins arrived, which left the other members the opportunity to retreat to their rooms and either prepare to hide for the next week, or time to think up a plan to keep the rugrats in check.

Deidara snuck up to his room and quietly closed the door behind him—a gesture he wasn't used to doing so quietly. With a base full of raging idiots who always took the time to make snide comments about him to piss him off, he became accustomed to slamming his bedroom door to send off a warning to the other members. But today, he made sure to avoid making a scene of himself, so that in case the kids did happen to run off from 'Auntie Konan', he'd be tucked safe and sound within the privacy of his own bedroom.

"Oi, Sasori no Dana," Deidara began once he was locked within the security of his room. He walked over to his work desk, which held a small portrait of his former partner propped up in an old wooden frame. He felt as if the frame was symbolic of his prior partner's persona. "Konan brought in some kids that we're supposed to take care of. She's off her rocker if she thinks I'm going to help wrangle in those rugrats," he muttered before adding, "I know you'd feel the same way." A sorrowful grin tugged at the end of his lips. Although he and Sasori didn't get along well enough to exist in complete harmony, Deidara respected his fellow artist although Sasori never outwardly expressed his respect in Deidara's stance in the artistic world. But to be frank, he did miss Sasori, regardless.

Deidara allowed a chuckle to break the silence and snap himself out of his mourning. He knew how impatient Sasori was, and surely he wouldn't want Deidara to stand in silent sorrow. A smile broke through Deidara's lips as he allowed a wink to overtake his right eye. "Sasori, my man," he said through his grin, "Kids are the one thing even you wouldn't want to make eternal."

With his playful jab still lingering in the air, he turned away and paraded to his bed. Although it was mid-afternoon, he didn't want to miss the opportunity to get some rest while everyone was silent in the base. Letting out a content sigh, he settled onto his bed and closed his eyes.

Deidara drifted into consciousness when he felt something cascade down his neck followed by a quiet, "Uh-oh." How long had he been asleep? For only an hour? And yet someone still came to bother him? "Get the hell out," he grumbled; not bothering to open his eyes, yet instead swatted at whatever was stuffed down his back. "Can't you see I'm sleeping here?"

"Uh-oh," the intruder announced again.

"What do you mean uh-oh? Can't you speak?" He was agitated now. Opening his eyes revealed not one of the Akatsuki, but instead the young girl who had been dropped off hours prior. She was at the edge of his bed, a pair of scissors in hand, and large, glossy eyes that were about as innocent as a deer's.

Eyeing the scissors in her hand, Deidara's eye twitched out of annoyance. "What did you do?" he questioned, bolting upright to take a glance around his room. As far as he could see, everything remained untouched; his pouches of clay remained still unopened on his work desk, his closet sealed tight, and a few trinkets of his laying around on his dresser as he left them. All was normal; until he felt the same scratchy sensation spread from his neck all the way down to his back.

"Uh-oh," the child repeated, bright hazel eyes staring innocently at him, almost masking the sheen of the scissors she clutched in her hand. "Sorry lady," she pouted.

"—Lady?" Deidara interrupted, fuming. "I'm obviously a man! Do I need to show you?"

"Deidara, that's being a pedophile," Konan warned, appearing in the doorway. The little girl turned her head, and seeing that her aunt had arrived, bounded over toward the blue haired woman, holding her scissors up for her to take. "Hm?" Konan questioned, reaching down and taking the scissors that were offered. "Kora, what did you use these for?"

"Hell if I'd know!" Deidara growled, scratching furiously at his back. "She kept saying 'Uh-oh.' 'Uh-oh' what?"

Glancing over at Deidara, Konan muffled a chuckle before ushering Kora out of the room. "Come on, Kora," she said between giggles, turning away with the child. "Let's flee the scene as quickly as possible."

"Flee what scene?" He demanded, but the duo had already escaped down the hall. Rising from his bed, he scratched at his back once more before turning to his dresser. Glancing at his reflection in the mirror propped behind the dresser, he felt his face pale before turning red with rage.

"My ponytail!" Konan could hear Deidara shout from his bedroom. She assumed he had seen what a butchered mess was left from Kora's experiment. She gently patted her niece on the head as the child looked up at her, bottom lip quivering in a mix between a pout and a face she would make when she was about to cry.

"Is the lady mad?" Kora questioned timidly.

"No, she's not," Konan replied, resisting the urge to smile at the incident. "She's always wanted to look like a man."


	3. Chapter 2-5: Day 1 and a half

((Hi, guys! I'm actually really pleased with the feedback I've been getting so I decided I'd quickly update because tomorrow I'll be unable to! I want to thank everyone for the positive reviews and I highly encourage more! I promise I won't bite :) But anyway, here's just a little filler to hopefully tie you guys over. Thank ya'll for all your support!))

Chapter 2.5  
Day One and a Half: This Little Boy

"Hey, Deidara, get sick of being mistaken for a girl?" Kisame jabbed, allowing a cackle to escape from his serrated grin as his eyes landed on Deidara's mangled tresses.

"Shut up before I blow your head off, un!" Deidara retorted sharply.

The Akatsuki was congregated at the dining room table after about an hour of Kanon bribing each to wander outside of their room. Deidara sat sulking at the end of the table, shooting glares at everyone who made a joke or even so much looked at his new haircut. Kisame sat two down from the blonde's right, poking and prying at Deidara's sensitivity. Hidan sat in-between the two Akatsuki, a scowl representing how pissed off he was to be in the middle of the two bickering members. Everyone else was scattered about the table on either side of the potential fight brewing.

"I'm sorry Deidara, I just can't keep up with your female tendencies," Kisame muttered, waving Deidara off. His gesture only made the blond more aggravated.

"Do you want to take this outside?" Deidara growled, standing up from his chair.

"Ladies first," Kisame taunted, calmly rising to his feet.

"Oh I'll—"

"For Jashin's sake!" Hidan trumpeted, slamming his fists onto the table and standing erect in the process. "If you don't shut the fuck up I'll shove my scythe so far up your—"

"Stoooppp!" Tobi interrupted, rushing out of the kitchen with a pot in tote. Pausing to set the steaming pan down carefully in the center of the table, he then raised his oven-mitted hands in the air. "Can't we all just get along?" He whined, flailing his hands in a blur of blue and orange.

"We were just having a little fun, weren't we, Deidara?" Kisame jabbed.

"Go back to the lake, Swamp Thing," Deidara retorted coolly, crossing his arms against his chest and plopping back down into his chair. Kisame followed on suit.

"I hate you all," Hidan announced, sitting back down as well.

It wasn't far into the meal of Tobi's secret recipe stew—which was surprisingly edible considering it was Tobi's creation—that Konan strode down the hall, the twins following behind her. Upon entrance, Deidara instinctively gathered up what was left of his ponytail and clutched it in his hand, eyeing Kora as she paraded past him. Kyo, the male twin, noticing that Deidara was flashing his sister weird glances, stuck his tongue out at the blond haired man. "You little—" Deidara mumbled, whilst Kisame chuckled.

Konan ushered the twins to the opposite end of the table where three seats were left unoccupied. Kora timidly sat down next to Itachi, who didn't bother glancing up from his plate, and Kyo sat next to Tobi. Konan took her seat at the head of the table.

"Hiya!" Tobi exclaimed, turning his head toward Kyo. "I'm Tobi!" he announced.

"Why do you talk stupid?" Kyo questioned crudely, glancing up at the masked man beside him.

"That's not nice!" Tobi stammered, unsure of how to reprimand the child.

"Shut up, Lollipop," the boy retorted, reaching for the stew.

"Ah, ah, ah!" Tobi crooned in a disapproving sing-song tone, rising to his feet and picking up the pot, holding it out of reach of the rowdy child. "You can't have stew until you're nice!" he announced, proud of himself for thinking up a consequence.

"You're not my mother," grumbled Kyo, crossing his arms against his chest.

"But we're all in charge, so technically Tobi is too, so Tobi can—" Tobi's lecture was interrupted by the young boy's foot making contact where no little boy's foot should ever make contact. Tobi doubled over in agony as the pot of stew tumbled out of his grasp and crashed onto the floor, narrowly missing Tobi's foot.

"Oww," Tobi wailed, collapsing onto the floor in a pathetic puddle of a man. His pain was only greeted by the boy hopping off of his chair and stepping on his ankle in order to clear Tobi's body. Tobi curled up in a tight ball, unsure which area hurt more.

"You're lame; I'm going to make cereal," the boy announced, stepping over Tobi's body to cross over to the kitchen.

The rest of the Akatsuki stared on as Tobi raised a shaky hand, planted it on the table, and pulled himself up to stand. If it wasn't for his mask veiling his face, he probably would've sported a pitiful expression unworthy of belonging to someone in a band of such high ranked criminals.

"I like that fucker," Hidan announced, gesturing to Kyo's distant silhouette slipping down the hall.


	4. Chapter 3: Day Two: Morning

((Hi, guys! I thought I'd quickly update this..I was just wondering if ya'll would like me to draw out this fic a little more..Like if you'd prefer Three parts per day or so..or if you'd just like me to make this a quick little series, with only one entry per day so that there's only seven chapters? I'd love to hear your inputs! Don't be afraid to review!))

Chapter 3:  
Day Two: Early Morning:  
Twister

Kakuzu laid in bed, staring up at his ceiling like he had been doing for the past few hours or so. He wasn't entirely sure how long he laid awake; he was only sure of the fact that he hardly got any sleep. The base was normally rowdy at night, but it wasn't so bothersome to keep him awake. He was used to the running of the shower, the buzz of the television, the static of the radio, and the occasional shouting that raged between members. However, as he lay awake, he noted that the base was much quieter, muffled talking replaced the yelling, no one ventured into the bathroom, and all electronic devices were shut off. Something was wrong.

Then, the pounding footsteps of two specific tots resonated into the air, reminding Kakuzu why everyone seemed to retire into hiding. There were now twin terrors romping around who seemed to be able to raise hell in the short time they were stationed at the base. They even managed to silence Tobi's outbursts a bit; for he would shriek and throw his hands to his crotch in a protective manner once Kyo was spotted.

Bed springs squeaking in protest, Kakuzu shifted his weight and sprawled out on his side, his head resting on his bicep. He stared into the murky darkness of his room, waiting for the morning to embrace the night.

Kakuzu awoke to the sneering sound of the paper shredder. Groggily sitting up, his fingers slid his mask back to eclipse his mouth and nose before swinging his legs over the side of his bed. With a grunt answered by the groan of the paper shredder, he rose to his feet. After walking over to his closet and slipping on his Akatsuki robe, he ventured out into the hall.

He could hear snickering and the roar of the shredder as he turned left down the hall, descended the staircase, and landed himself in the den. Deidara was sulking on one of the couches again—which wasn't surprising after he lost his beloved ponytail-, Konan was sitting on the opposite side of the blond haired man, a soft smile engulfing her lips, Kisame sat on the couch adjacent to the occupied one, snickering, and Hidan—the little bastard—was sitting beside Kisame, a smug look playing on his face. All the while this was happening—whatever _this_ was—Tobi paraded around the room, flailing his arms and muttering intelligible strings of words that Kakuzu was sure not even Tobi knew the meaning of. What the hell was going on?

Stalking closer, Kakuzu discovered the meaning behind the gathering. The twin terrors were perched next to the paper shredder, shredding rectangular pieces of paper one by one. But wait, it wasn't paper...It was...

Money?!

Kakuzu could feel the world tilt out from under him as he clutched his fists, his rage threatening to burn through his very core and engulf the entire room in flames. "What are you rats doing?" he shouted, stomping toward them.

"Here comes the Zombie Hulk," Kisame whispered to Hidan, cackling at his own joke.

"Give me that!" Kakuzu trumpeted, snatching the money out of the twins' hands. "Why didn't anyone stop them?" he demanded, glancing around at the room of spectators.

His eyes momentarily landed on Tobi, who scuttled behind his senpai with a muffled, "Tobi's a good boy!"Deidara greeted his partner with a grunt and shoved him away from him. Tobi only retorted with a whine before plopping down on Deidara's lap, earning himself another grunt and a knock over the head from his beloved senpai.

"Calm down," Konan commanded composedly, to both the bickering teammates and Kakuzu, who still stood raging in the center of the den.

"Yeah, get those tendrils out of your ass," Hidan piped up from his spot on the couch.

"How can you allow precious money go to waste?" Kakuzu raged, clutching the money in his hand so tightly that if he were mortal, the veins would've rose from his hand and his knuckles would've turned white from loss of circulation. "Money's the only dependable thing in this world!" He boomed.

"Kakuzu," Konan interrupted, carefully eyeing him from her seat. The twins' attention was now directed toward the raging man, their faces turned skyward to look up at him. She was just hoping that Kakuzu wouldn't make sensitive Kora cry.

"No! Don't try to calm me!" he retorted, shaking his fistful of money wildly.

"But—"

"Do you realize what this loss of money could do to this organization? Do everyone?" he shouted.

"Hey, asshole," Hidan called from his perch. "It's fake."

"You religious waste, did I ask your opinion—" Kakuzu paused, the words saturating through his brain. "—Fake?" he all but squeaked.

"That's what I was trying to tell you," Konan replied, rolling her eyes.

"—Not real?" Kakuzu looked at the money in his hands, appalled by the fact that he hadn't noticed earlier.

"Dumbass," Hidan muttered under his breath.

Kakuzu paused, staring directly at his mission partner. "Fuck you and fuck your couch," he grumbled suddenly, and turned on his heels. He was going to need another nap.


	5. Chapter 4: Day Two: Afternoon

((Hi, guys! Sorry this took so long to update! I've been so busy! But while i was home sick from school, I decided to update this quickly. I know that this may seem a little rushed, but I promise to work on a longer chapter hopefully this weekend. Reviews are welcome! Tell me what you think!))

Chapter 4:  
Day 2: Afternoon  
Only a Real Man Wears Pink

"Kisame, must you splash around like a drunken seal?"

"It's very shark-like movement," Kisame retorted matter-of-factly to his partner as he swam to the perimeter of the in-ground pool, crossing his arms on the edge. Using the edge of the pool as an anchor, he shifted his weight off of his feet, allowing him to lay stomach-down atop the water's surface. Resting his chin in his arms, he grinned up at Itachi.

Itachi sat peacefully a few feet away from the splash of Kisame in the pool, finding refuge under a large tree to protect himself from the strong rays of the mid-afternoon sun. His hand protruded from the front of his cloak as it delicately held a book up to eye-level while his eyes lazily scanned each page, occasionally stopping to turn pages in-between. "If that's what you call it," he muttered back to Kisame.

Kisame, displeased that his partner was more absorbed his book than helping Kisame train, gave out a huff. "Itachi," the blue pigmented man crooned, kicking his feet slightly to keep him afloat, "You said you'd spar, but for the past half an hour, you've been absorbed in that book of yours."

Itachi's eyes momentarily drifted from the page they rested on to dully stare at his partner with a stoic intensity. "You're entertaining yourself in the pool," he explained simply, returning to his book.

Kisame let out a grunt and rolled onto his back to watch the string of white, puffy clouds float lazily overhead. "You're a pain, you know that?" he asked rhetorically.

"I'm aware," Itachi responded listlessly.

"I'm heading back inside," Itachi announced after about half an hour, slamming the book shut with his exposed hand and rising from his perch. He was simply bored with the book by now, and had no intention to stay out any longer and train. He finally had a week off, and even yet he was being bombarded with sparring requests, mostly from Kisame.

"You're weak," Kisame responded, his lips twitching into a mocking grin. He still lay on his back atop the surface of the water, leisurely floating wherever the flow of the pool took him, until he had to push off of the side of the pool to avoid collision with the walls.

"Don't stay out, too long," he instructed, ignoring Kisame's playful jab, "You'll shrivel up."

'_Seems like you've already begun to,' _is what Kisame would've responded with, but he respected his partner too much to prod at Itachi's distinct facial lines that ran either side of his nose to his cheekbones. Although Kisame knew that he'd simply reply with an impassive explanation of his "tear troughs," he didn't want to overstep his boundaries with his partner. After all, he knew that if Itachi truly became angry and decided to pick a fight—which wasn't likely of him considering he preferred to keep out of confrontations or keep them short—he'd be in trouble. He was aware of his superior comrade.

"Cool," was all Kisame responded with as he watched his partner shake his head and disappear toward the base.

"Pink is better than blue!" Kisame heard a soft voice whine. He had seemed to lose track of time and consciousness for a while, for he found himself with his eyes closed once he came to. Had he accidently fallen asleep in the pool?

"No! Pink's girly!" another voice retorted.

"Mummy says that real men wear pink!"

"Well that's stupid."

A gasp emanated into the air proceeded by, "I'm telling Auntie Konan you said the 's' word!" and was finished off by the sound of clomping footsteps as they trudged off into the distance.

"I did not!" the other voice squealed angrily, and more footsteps reeled after the ones prior.

Kisame opened his eyes with a groan as he rose an arm and hauled himself up out of the pool. What were the two rugrats arguing about, anyway? The color pink? Shaking his head, Kisame threw a towel over his head and another around his waist before retiring back to base.

Upon entering the back door, Tobi—who had been attempting to bake something by the look of dishevelment the kitchen was in, with flour covering the floor and countertops, broken eggs and shells littering the tiles, and numerous amounts of measuring devices tossed aside—poked his head out to greet Kisame. "Hello Kisame-san! Enjoy your swim—" Tobi's voice trailed off as he stared at the taller man in front of him.

Kisame cocked an eyebrow at Tobi's inability to finish his train of thought. "Yes, I did enjoy my swim," he spoke deliberately, finishing Tobi's assumed question.

"Uh, Kisame-san, I—"

Now, this time Tobi was cut off by Deidara, who had snuck into the kitchen and wrapped an arm around his partner's shoulder. "Tobi, my man," he begun suspiciously, referring to his partner with a title he often reserved for members who had earned his respect, "I bet Kisame's tired. Why don't we let him take a load off?" A corner of his lip rose into a crooked smirk and a soft "hn," rose from his throat as Tobi obediently obeyed his senpai.

Kisame stared wearily at the blond haired man. Something fishy was going on, and this time, it had nothing to do with him. "Okay," he drawled, shooting Deidara another suspicious look before exiting the kitchen. As he did so, he could hear the annoying chuckle of the feminine-man behind him followed by Tobi's nervous stuttering. What was going on?

Kisame trudged through the living room in search of Itachi. He was wise, and was usually on top of things at base, so maybe he'd be able to figure out what was going on. Upon entrance of the den, the "zombie duo" sat perched on either couch, Kakuzu counting his money while Hidan laid down on the other couch angled toward him, snickering and muttering things that appeared to piss off Kakuzu; for every once in a while, Kakuzu would stop counting his money and kick at Hidan's head muttering a speech about money laced with a few curse words here and there. As Kisame passed the couches, Hidan's snickering grew louder, and Kakuzu paused his rant.

"What?" Kisame asked, suddenly aggravated. What the hell was going on?

"Feeling a little blue?" Kakuzu questioned, struggling to keep his tone reserved.

Kakuzu's comment seemed to amuse Hidan, for he cracked a large grin and let out a brief chuckle. "Or, a little not blue?" he snickered at his own joke.

"What are you talking about?" Kisame fumed. He wished for nothing more to have Samehada by his side so he could clop the duo over the head—Hidan especially.

"You mean that wasn't a choice?" Hidan chuckled mockingly.

"Are you going for a new appearance, Kisame?" An impassive voice rose from behind him.

Kisame spun, allowing a glare to pierce at his partner. "What the hell's going on?" he demanded. Hidan snickered again, earning him a glare from Kisame as well. Itachi simply shook his head, tucking his arm in the opening of his cloak. "What?" Kisame all but hissed.

"Kisame, you're pink," Itachi informed bluntly.

"WHAT?!" Kisame exclaimed.

"How didn't you catch on?" Hidan snickered from his perch.

Sure enough, once Kisame looked down, he could see that the back of his arms, calves, and assumingly his entire back were colored a fluorescent pink hue. Kisame then recalled the conversation he overheard once he woke up from his nap. "I'm going to kill those kids!" he exclaimed, darting out of the living room.

"Kisame, don't hurt the children," Itachi warned half-heartedly as he indolently walked after his partner.


	6. Chapter 5: Day Two: Evening

((Hi, guys! I'm sorry I haven't been updating recently, it's been super busy! I just hoped to make this really quick and hopefully get a more sustainable chapter up this weekend. Thank ya'll for baring with me! Hope ya'll enjoy!))

Chapter: 5  
Day 2: Evening  
Salt and a Wound

"I'm hungry," a deep voice complained.

"You're always hungry," another voice scolded.

"You mean _we're _always hungry," the voice corrected.

Zetsu sat on the staircase of the base, perched upon the third step from the bottom, legs stretching down to the landing two steps below. He sat upright, as to keep his plant-like extension from slouching, which would in turn, cause his entire body to give way to whatever direction the venus-flytrap envelope happened to slant. He was waiting to leave for a mission, anticipating his orders any moment now.

"How do you think the rest of the Akatsuki will fair with the children?" the pallid side asked, trying to make small conversation to pass the wait.

"Not well," the darker side informed.

"Perhaps it's a little too early in the game?" the other portion suggested, a crooked smile plastering his face.

"You've seen the hell they've raised already."

Zetsu recalled the countless members who fell victims to the twins. Already they seemed to take a toll on four of the members, it was only time until they happened to reach the other two remaining—considering Pein was nowhere to be seen, Konan was their aunt, and Zetsu himself was going to stay as far away from the terrors as possible. So far, Zetsu seemed out of the fire when it came to interaction with the siblings.

"How many more days?"

"About five, I suppose," his darker half calculated.

White Zetsu chuckled in response. "Who do you think will be next?"

The darker portion pondered the thought for a moment, carefully deciding who he thought would fall victim next. After a few seconds of silence, he spoke up. "Hidan," he proposed.

"Really?" the lighter side crooned, lips pursing together in an act of contemplation. "I would've guessed Itachi would be next."

Black Zetsu grunted in disagreement. "Hidan's too much of a moron to _not _fall victim." In fact, he wasn't quite sure why the immortal annoyance wasn't the first to victim of the twins' terror.

"You do have a point there."

"Hey!" Hidan trumpeted from inside the den, overhearing Zetsu's conversation amongst himself. "Who're calling a moron, you over-sized vegetable?" he bellowed.

"You heard us wrong!" White Zetsu crooned, waving the mouthy Akatsuki member off. The other half simply stared on dully, neither in agreement or difference.

In the depths of the base, within a small room resided two children huddled around a mound of fabric. The seemingly younger of the two stared up at her brother doubtfully, her eyebrows knitting together underneath her bangs. "Kyo," she spoke dubiously, watching intently as her brother experimented on the fabric. "Are you supposed to be doing that?"

"You're annoying," the brother huffed, too absorbed at the task at hand to be scolded by his younger sister.

"What's salt supposed to do?" Kora questioned, placing her hands on her knees as she leaned forward to observe her brother's scheme.

"You know that black and white guy with the plant on his head?" He inquired, not bothering to look up from his work.

"Yeah," she responded ambiguously, not really comprehending where her sibling was heading with his plan of logic.

"And remember when we put salt on Mommy's plants?" he followed up.

"Oh," she responded solemnly. "That's mean."

Kyo shrugged in response. "Yeah, so?"

Kora pondered the thought for a while, and after not being able to come up with an answer, she shrugged her shoulders in defeat, allowing them to slouch forward. "Not too much though," she recommended, carefully eyeing her brother's grip on the container of salt in his lap.

"Yeah, yeah," he muttered, waving her off.

It was about two hours, almost midnight, when Zetsu had been called into action. Stopping at his room, he picked up his cloak adorned with crimson clouds and donned it before heading out.

"Hey," White Zetsu muttered once he found a desolate path in the woods that would prove to be the closest route to the next village without drawing too much attention to himself. He didn't need to be at his destination any time soon, so he didn't bother merging into the ground for a more efficient traveling method. Instead, he walked leisurely, allowing small conversation between him and his other half.

"Hm?" the other half grunted in question.

"Do you feel a little—odd?" he asked. "Almost like your skin's...burning?.."

((Sorry if the ending wasn't really clear. All I know is that I heard salt is pretty much a plant's enemy, and I felt guilty for not having Zetsu in most of the chapters, so I made up for it (slightly?). More detail will be explained next update! Bare with me!))


End file.
